Sunday, September 14, 2008

30 Years Later

作文

三十年后的我

(转自湾湾的)

在健康国小,作文老师在五年级的班上上作文课,指定一个作文题目「三十年后的我」。

班上的一位女生小美写道:

今天的天气不错,我开着老公结婚周年送我的劳司莱斯,手指上戴着他刚买给我三克拉大钻戒,脖子上也挂着上个月生日才送我的红宝石项链,带着我的小孩到大安森林公园去玩。我们倘佯在花团锦簇的园区里,到处都是人们羡慕的眼光。突然,路上冲出一个浑身恶臭、满脸污秽、无家可归的老太太,我仔细一瞧~「天啊!她竟然是我小学五年级的作文老师!


老师评语:这一个星期妳只能站着上课!

Life in the 1500s

They are up to you to draw your own conclusions...
Most people got married in June, because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children! Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying "dirt poor."
The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a "thresh hold."
(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake."
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found t have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."
And that's the truth... Now, whoever said that History was boring...

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Announcement


When is the big day? 16th September 2007

What's gonna happen? Customary ceremony in the morning & banquet in the evening.

Who's gonna be there? Next of kins, relatives and close friends only.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Here's Wishing One And All....

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

RK House ... A Prank

Enjoy!

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Our Service Just Got Better


If you are tired of walking through our acres of store space, do not fret. We will be glad to let you have a go at our latest in-house buggies. For more information on how to get your hands on one of these buggies, please approach our friendly sales staff.

While stocks last. 'Batteries' are not included.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

New Story Old Ruse

Dear Friend,
I am Mr.Howell Buxton,Auditor General HSBC Bank UK. I am contacting you in respect of the transfer of a huge sum of money from a deceased account.Though I know that a transaction of this nature and magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that everything has been taken care of, and all will be well at the end of the day. I decided to contact you due to the secrecy,confidentiality and urgency of this transaction.
PROPOSITION: I was the account officer of a foreigner, named Gerald Welsh who died in an air crash along with his wife on the 31st October 1999 in an Egyptian airline boeing 990 with other passengers on board. You can confirm this fact from the website which was aired by the BBC WORLD NEWS: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/502503.stm
Since his death, none of his relations or persons have come forward to lay claims to his this funds as next-of-kin, and on my own i have made concerted effort to locate any of his relatives but all proved abortive,which makes me to believe that maybe nobody of his knows that he was operating this foreign account with my bank. Based on the ethics and policies of the bank, this funds will be declared unclaimed funds and taken to the treasury of the bank as capital base of the bank, because already the account has been tagged dormant because it has exceeded the normal functional number of years.
We cannot release the fund from his account unless someone applies for it or lays claim as the next-of-kin to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines.Upon this discovery, I now seek your permission and assistance to present you and have you stand as a next of kin to the deceased, so that the funds can be released and transfer to you, as all documentations will be carefully worked out by me for the funds £10.5 million British Pounds Sterling (Ten million five hundred thousandBritish Pounds) to be released in your favor as the beneficiary's next of kin, if not the members of the board of directors will utilise it for their personal aggrandisement.
Because after eight years as this is the seven year going the money will be called back to the bank treasury as unclaimed bills and the money shared amongst the directors of the bank, so it is on this note i decided to seek for whom his name shall be used as the next of kin/beneficiary to this funds rather than allow the bank directors to share this money amongst themselves at the end of the year.
It may interest you to know that I have secured from the probate commission an order of mandamus to locate any of the deceased beneficiaries. Please acknowledge receipt of this message in acceptance of our mutual business endeavour by furnishing me with the following information if you are interested.
1. Your Beneficiary names..In order for me to prepare the document for transfer of the funds in your name.
2. Direct Telephone and fax numbers...For our personal contact and mutual trust in each other.
Upon your acceptance I shall send you my identity for more confidentiality and trust in each other as i shall trust you not to elope with this funds when it finally gets to your account. I shall be compensating you with 35% of the sum of £10.5million British Pounds Sterling (Ten million fivehundred thousand British Pounds) on final conclusion of this project for your assistance, while the balance, i shall use in prolific investment projects as I intend to retire after the conclusion of this transaction. If this proposal is acceptable by you, please endeavor to contact me immediately if you are interested in this business. Do not take undue advantage of the trust I have bestowed in you.
I await your urgent response.
Regards,
Mr.Howell Buxton

Thursday, November 02, 2006

The Honda Accord

Got this through an email...